Fear, Anger, Humility and Acceptance

So, I have to return to the question from my previous post, "So is it wrong for Him to expect time and character?"

I jumped to far ahead in the thought process with my previous response.

God does not do anything wrong. Therefore, His expectation could not be wrong.

Invoking God's anger has many other things to consider.

Implying a whole lot of things which remind me that His thoughts and ways are higher than mine AND that He is ultimately unfathomable. So, I will keep the further processing of these thoughts to myself for the time being.

What I can do is listen to His Word. His Word also tells me that He becomes angry slowly when I continue to doubt Him. His Word tells me that I must have faith and trust in Him as a little child does with everything in the formative years. His Word tells me that His perfect love casts out fear.

Something that continues to resonate with me at the moment is the Saul to Paul story, in particular Acts 26:14(b) ... It is hard for you to kick against the goads. You remember, Saul thought he was zealous for the Lord when he was in fact zealous for the traditions of men. He was motivated by fear and anger to stomp out the Jesus following heretics. He held the cloaks of those who stoned Stephen, giving approval of the crowd's actions, and likely feeling completely justified. Saul spent a lot of energy on this quest. When Jesus had enough, Saul experienced the fear of God ... and was transformed into the apostle, Paul. Jesus also revealed that He had been making it hard for Saul to go the wrong way. He had placed goads behind him so that Saul would only go forward.

Goads are part of a harness used to capture, control and utilize the strength of an ox or horse or other animal for the purposes of the owner. The Word says we (the righteous and the wicked) were created for His purposes.

When Ananias was given the task to go to Saul and pray for him so that Jesus would restore his eyesight, Ananias was a bit nervous and reminded the Lord that Saul was a 'bad guy' ... and he was from Ananias' perspective ... Jesus told him to go anyway and made it clear, "This man is My chosen instrument to proclaim My name..." Saul was a harnessed instrument, being driven by God for His purposes. And He further reveals that as the transformed Paul, he would continue to suffer.

Ananias was also harnessed. He went where God sent him and accomplished God's will for him in that circumstance ... and I'm sure Ananias had a choice whether or not to suffer anxiety over this task (or not) while he was being obedient. A choice, a challenge, a struggle in the flesh with the natural human perspective as opposed to the spiritual perspective. Which makes me think of Jonah...

All this gives me a different perspective on suffering. We are all harnessed for His purposes. Sometimes we suffer because we are fighting God's will (Jonah, Saul). Sometimes we suffer God's will for us (Jesus, Paul).

Somehow all this has to do with fear, anger, humility, acceptance and obedience. I've got a lot more thinking to do now.

Jesus, I confess I'm feeling fearful because my eyes are on natural things instead of spiritual things. I confess I've let this fear bubble up into anger that I've expressed inappropriately. I want to trust You like a little child does. Cause me to do that. Cause me to keep my eyes on You. Cause me to submit to the harness of Your purposes for me. I don't want to kick against the goads. Your Word tells me that You will never leave me or forsake me, that You are yoked together with me in this harness and Your yoke is easy and Your burden is light. Teach me to walk in step with You and Your purposes. I turn away from my kicking against the goads, I turn away from fleshy things, I turn away from my own way and I accept Your harness, Your purposes for me. Thank You for loving me perfectly and casting out my fears.