Bittersweet

I was to a funeral this week. The daughter of some friends. Her name is Libby. She went to be with Jesus on December 16th. She would have turned 5 on the 17th.

I didn't know what to expect... a child... a young child... an adopted child... just before her birthday... just before Christmas... the child of friends... I'd never been to a child's funeral before. Here in America, this is no longer a regular occurance.

Much to my surprise, there was a tangible sense of peace and celebration as I walked through the doors of the church. More reverant conversation than tears, even occasional laughter. There were in the area of 300 in attendance for the service alone, all ages represented and many different nationalities as well. All united by this precious one's life.

Libby had fought tenaciously for her life ever since she had be diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at age 2. We were told she would not recover time and again. She defied the expert's predicitons time and again. Until this time...

As I stood in the receiving line, watching the power point slide show record of her life, the Lord whispered to me, "Libby fought this long because I asked her to, and she loves me. I told her she could come be with Me for her birthday this year."

I had no words for her mother. A hug, a smile... that's all I had. I stumbled uncomfortably making myself say something, "She's precious."

"Yes." her mother said, smiling, looking again at her daughter's body. Her eyes were dry. She exuded peace and contentment.

After a long pause I added, "What a wonderful birthday present."

Not skipping a beat she replied, "Absolutely! She's playing with Jesus now!"

I hugged her again and blessed her, moving on to her father.

When my turn to greet him came he pulled me into a hug saying, "It's good to see you! It has to be more than a year since we last saw you!" Hugging him back I agreed thinking, has it really been that long? Reflecting on it now, I imagine parents of a child with a terminal illness are probably very aware of the passage of time. Each day is probably carefully attended to and when complete, stored away in a treasury. It was evident that he was very tender in heart right then. I had been impressed to interceed very specifically for him over the last 6 weeks in particular. I shared with him how the Lord had lead me to pray for him and assured him of continued support. He received it heartily, holding back tears. I blessed him and moved on.

The service concluded with each of us hugging a balloon and sending it off to Jesus and Libby as our final farewell, that is, until we should meet again.

To recap what Libby's great auntie had to say:

Libby's life taught us 3 things...

1. fight for life
2. persevere - never give up, and
3. come together in unity

and this is true. These are the good works that God had prepared in advance for Libby to do. And just like Jesus, whom she loved (this fact reflected in her preference for the men in her life), she finished her work and even now is beginning to receive her reward as a good and faithful servant. Oh, to have the view that Father God has of the fruit this will bear!

Precious! ... Yes!

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of those faithful to Him. Truly I am your servant, LORD, I am your servant, as was my mother before me; you have loosed my bonds of affliction." Psalm 116:15-16

Thinking about discipleship...

I've been doing a great deal of thinking (and research, and talking with Jesus) about discipleship over the last several months. Recently, I've begun to "see" discipleship from a view that is varied and textured, not unlike a topographic map or one of those 3-D pictures you stare at and eventually a recognizable form emerges from what appeared to be only a chaotic mess of colors at first glance.

Lord willing, to aid me in the assimilation of all this new input I hope to be posting on the different aspects, elements, and categories of thought I've found particularly significant. Writing and journaling are often dynamic components to the learning and thought processes for me.

This link is to one of my main sources to aid in the rumination and digestion of all this "food for thought": http://forums.ag.org/discipleship/ .

Yes, this is good. I'm looking forward to the processing!

real discipleship in plain english

http://www.theooze.com/articles/article.cfm?id=1804

While researching for a project I came across this article. It's well worth the read. A visit to the author's org site will be well worth your while. When there check out their "Prospectus" - it has some bookmarked features that will take you to some very interesting stuff.

What God's been up to with me

I've been lead to a challenging place. It's interesting to see how events of the past are intersecting here. It is painful in a good way, like a strenuous workout. I've discovered more about who God made me to be and I've also discovered I'm often angry with Him for it. I'm not used to recognizing anger for what it is... a self protective shield. Always respecting my will, He has come gently when invited. He has been touching and healing many places in the garden of my heart where the enemy has sown tares among the wheat.

I recall a vision I had when I was a new Christian, has to be 20 years ago now: I was weeping, wounded, despairing and had a thick, heavy shield over my chest. His hand gently pulled it back and I resisted Him, He was persistent but always gentle, and finally I stopped resisting. He didn't take it off but only placed something in my heart underneath and let it settle back onto my chest. I often wondered what that was all about. I think I'm beginning to understand it now...

Recently He has asked me, "Can you trust Me?" I thought it an odd question at first. Of course I can, trust is a choice. I can choose to trust Him. If you can't trust God who can you trust?! But then I started thinking about it. There are many areas of my life where my decision to trust Him has not yet begun to grow and bear fruit... I'm beginning to discover what has been hindering this process. And I'm realizing there are places I am not yet consciously aware of where I'm believing a lie about Him. He wants to make those crooked places straight and the rough places smooth.

As these difficult circumstances plow through my life, the lies are unearthed like stones in the farmer's field... then I see how He has created the opportunity for me to be rid of the things that make me ineffective and unproductive in the knowledge of Him... yes, it's a lot like a strenuous workout.

Simultaneously, He has been teaching me more about hope and what it really is. I'm grateful because I wouldn't have had the strength to continue without it. Did you know that hope is the confident expectation of the goodness of God? That is why hope never disappoints us - because God is good! Our hope is secure, sure, because He never changes! Hope is not like a wish... it is real and tangible like faith and love are. It sounds so elementary when I type it but, I never really understood it like this before. Thank You for teaching me, Jesus.

Well, there you are. That's what God's been up to with me.

I'm still here...

I really enjoy my friend's blog. She has the discipline to post intelligently, regularly and she knows how to make her blog interesting. (There's a link to her site at right... take a look at "The Owl's Song" - you won't be disappointed!) I've been blogging "vicariously" through her these past months. As I've mentioned before, time is always an issue.

So much is going on in my life that I don't know what to share here. I'm just going to pick one thing and write...

Okay. That wan't too successful. Each topic that I try to pick opens and expands exponentially like "Great Stuff" : Vision Team, Small Groups, Discipleship, Town Board, Town Directory, divorced child, married children, grandchildren, aging parents, dear friends far away, health, goals, relational stresses, expectations, mentoring, coaching, being mentored, being misunderstood, influence, responsibility, team work, leadership, conflict, did I say being misunderstood? Yes, I'm definately still here.

How about this instead: a photo of my husband and I.

Someone once said, "You always get through it!" Their point being: you do. Time passes. Things change. I agree. So, my strategy is to take a deep breath, remind myself that Jesus is my peace, and trust that He is working all things together for (my) good because I love Him and I've heard and responded to His invitation to join Him in His life and cooperate in the fulfilling of His purpose.

(Heavy sigh...) I feel better already. Thanks for listening. :0)

traveling

I was on a plane for the first time since my husband proposed to me. That was 27 years ago this Easter. Much has changed and much is the same. Either the seats are much smaller than I remember or I'm much larger than I was then (??), the peanuts and soft drinks are the same, same take off and landing, but no barf bags this time and we all know security is very different. There is much you must do at the airport unaccompanied by friends or family who are not flying with you these days. That is a sad change.

Another new thing for me is the digital camera. My daughter-in-law helped me figure out how to use it. I was able to take 146 photos without any film. I figured out how to share some of them here with a little help from Blogger - aren't you proud of me?

Since I haven't been on a plane for almost 30 years, haven't been to Florida since the 5th grade, haven't been away from home or my husband for more than 5 days in a row in as many years - I dub this "A Momentous Occasion!"

My "Benning Boy"...

just graduated from boot camp. Army Reserves. Thinking about going regular Army.

Intercession takes on ever increasing intensity.

30 days

Much happens in 30 days. Especially around holidays.

Sometimes it feels like it takes until October before I've processed, come to terms with and gained perspective that finally makes room for peace about all that goes on between December 15th and January 15th.

More on this later...

Happy New Year!